NORTH ELMHURST – Reaching into his apron pocket to retrieve a pile of neatly-folded, biodegradable brown napkins with the names and phone numbers of women he has served at the new North Elmhurst Starbucks location, barista Chuck Stankey told reporters Tuesday that the adoration and gratitude he’s received from customers has made the last five days the most exciting time of his life and has him feeling “like a rock star”.
“I can’t believe how happy the locals are to have a Starbucks in their neighborhood”, said Stankey, a part-time employee who mostly works the morning shift. “I was eating a Monte Cristo over at Christopher’s Restaurant the other day when three good-looking women recognized me and asked if I would pose for pictures with them. They had yoga pants on and everything!”
Since its grand opening on Friday, the highly-anticipated York Street and Industrial Drive location has been immensely popular, with as many as 40 cars lined up daily at the drive-thru window before the coffee house opens at 5:00 a.m. Peak morning hours have seen vehicle lines extending out of the parking lot, creating bumper-to-bumper traffic both northbound and southbound on York Street, with the northbound line reportedly stretching as far as halfway up the York Street exit ramp from westbound I290.
“Men want to be me, and women want to be with me,” continued Stankey, who noted that he’s normally attracted to lifeguards and other baristas. “I had a guy tell me other day that he’d rather be me right now than Tom Brady.”
The only negative of his job thus far has been educating the locals on unfamiliar Starbucks product names, ordering protocol and lingo.
“I learned on my first day here that you can’t just suggest complicated drinks like a Triple Venti Half-Sweet Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato to North Elmhurst customers,” said Stankey, who acknowledged that many of them were struggling with even the simplest of terms like “bold” and “extra room”. “But as long as they keep treating me like a God, I’ll keep teaching them how to order.”