Internet Research Helps Local Man Win eCommunity Coyote Argument

by Dave Noble, eCommunity Beat Writer

ELMHURST – Jubilant and a tad haughty, Elmhurst resident Larry Sizemore told reporters Wednesday that information he obtained from the World Wide Web was crucial to his victory in a recent eCommunity discussion-turned-argument that pitted him against several “lesser-informed” group members who disagreed with Sizemore’s position on the potential danger of coyotes, increasingly spotted throughout town over the last six months.     

“I destroyed everyone’s opinion in that post,” said Sizemore, who had trouble recalling which Elmhurst-based parents or news group where the coyote squabble originated.  “It took me about five or six hours of research over the course of a couple of days to prove everyone wrong, but it was well worth it.”

Sizemore recounted that he found a wealth of information for replying to multiple misconstrued group comments by typing “Coyotes” into the internet search bar of his cell phone.  “I jumped right in and attached a link to the Wikipedia page on coyotes,” continued Sizemore.   “Because, really, is there a better source for hard facts than Wikipedia?”

Deftly scrolling past off-target web sites for a Chicago restaurant and a west coast professional hockey team of the same name, Sizemore proceeded to identify even more information he deemed useful in contradicting every opinion and first-hand account from other group members, who’s concerns ranged from the safety of their small pets to adoption protocol and permit fees.  Attaching a related link to nearly every one of his thread comments proved to be a decisive factor in Sizemore’s triumph.  

“Winning internet arguments is what I live for,” summarized the 29-year-old, who acknowledged that he often contracts himself when arguing with other people.  “I’d like to thank my girlfriend, my parents, and Google Chrome for giving me the strength and wisdom to come out on top.”

Local Woman Already Regrets Not Checking with Husband Before Making Large eCommunity Purchase


by Dave Noble, Your Neighbors and Your Neighborhoods Beat Writer 

ELMHURST – Dragging the last cedar side panel from a mostly-disassembled gazebo across the driveway and into her backyard, Elmhurst resident and stay-at-home mom Amy Willingham told reporters Wednesday afternoon that she probably should have checked with her husband first before spending $600 on the oval-shaped 10 ft. x 14 ft. backyard structure, purchased from another woman in a local buy, sell and trade Facebook group.

“(Husband) Greg is going to be home any minute, and I think he might be mad when he finds out that I just bought this thing out of nowhere,” said Willingham, shooting quick glances toward the end of the driveway each time a car passes by her W. McKinley Avenue house.  “But gazebos like this cost $3000 brand new, so I know I got a good deal.”

Willingham reported that it took her eight trips to the seller’s north Elmhurst home and nearly half of the day to load pieces like support posts, fascia trim and roof braces in and out of her minivan.

“He’s going to notice these scratches I made on the passenger side door,” stated Willingham.  “And I just remembered that we have to go back there later tonight and pick up the second tier of the gazebo.  So yeah, he’s definitely going to lose his shit.”

Local Mom Flustered by 224 Replies to Her ‘Best Pizza in Town’ eCommunity Question

by Dave Noble, eCommunity News
ELMHURST – After her poll question “Where’s the best pizza in town?” generated an astounding 224 total comments in just over an hour of being cross-posted in two local Facebook eGroups Sunday evening, frustrated Elmhurst resident Debbie Womack stunned family members by slamming her laptop to the floor, driving to 7-Eleven and purchasing three boxes of Hot Pockets for her family’s dinner.

“There was so much feedback on my post, I couldn’t decipher any more information,” said Womack by telephone Monday morning.  “I was getting irritated because at first, a lot of people in the group were saying that Mama Maria’s was the best.  Then, there were like seven comments in a row telling us to order from Roberto’s.  I started keeping tally marks next to all the names being mentioned and notating the more detailed testimonials.  When the number reached 14 or 15 different places, the pressure to find the best pizza in town became too unbearable.”

Husband Tom Womack stated that he wasn’t as confounded by all the responses from his wife’s posts in Elmhurst Area eParents and Elmhurst, IL Moms.

“We just moved to Elmhurst last month, so it was a great idea to reach out and get advice from people who live here,” said Tom.  “But the debate was over in my mind once someone suggested Pizza Palace.  You simply can’t go wrong with a name like that.”

Transcripts from the two Facebook threads reveal that each of the 35 restaurants serving pizza in Elmhurst were named at least twice.