ELMHURST – Jubilant and a tad haughty, Elmhurst resident Larry Sizemore told reporters Wednesday that information he obtained from the World Wide Web was crucial to his victory in a recent eCommunity discussion-turned-argument that pitted him against several “lesser-informed” group members who disagreed with Sizemore’s position on the potential danger of coyotes, increasingly spotted throughout town over the last six months.
“I destroyed everyone’s opinion in that post,” said Sizemore, who had trouble recalling which Elmhurst-based parents or news group where the coyote squabble originated. “It took me about five or six hours of research over the course of a couple of days to prove everyone wrong, but it was well worth it.”
Sizemore recounted that he found a wealth of information for replying to multiple misconstrued group comments by typing “Coyotes” into the internet search bar of his cell phone. “I jumped right in and attached a link to the Wikipedia page on coyotes,” continued Sizemore. “Because, really, is there a better source for hard facts than Wikipedia?”
Deftly scrolling past off-target web sites for a Chicago restaurant and a west coast professional hockey team of the same name, Sizemore proceeded to identify even more information he deemed useful in contradicting every opinion and first-hand account from other group members, who’s concerns ranged from the safety of their small pets to adoption protocol and permit fees. Attaching a related link to nearly every one of his thread comments proved to be a decisive factor in Sizemore’s triumph.
“Winning internet arguments is what I live for,” summarized the 29-year-old, who acknowledged that he often contracts himself when arguing with other people. “I’d like to thank my girlfriend, my parents, and Google Chrome for giving me the strength and wisdom to come out on top.”