Elmhurst 7-Elevens Brace for Onslaught of ‘420’ Customers

by Dave Noble, City News Editor

ELMHURST – Fully staffed and prepared to serve a staggering number of candy bars, Slurpees and anything spinning on hot metal rollers behind the glass counter, employees of local 7-Elevens are expecting a huge spike in sales today as an estimated 10,000 Elmhurst residents will partake in the counterculture holiday “420”.

Often referred to as “Weed Day” and observed on April 20th each year, 420 is when people are invited to celebrate the cannabis culture by smoking marijuana. With only three 7-Eleven stores in Elmhurst, those who participate in the event will have limited options to satisfy their strong urge for snacks (or “munchies”) that coincides with smoking marijuana.

“We’ll be busy all day and all night,” said Spring Rd. 7-Eleven clerk Bobby Aguirre on Wednesday morning, stocking an auxiliary snack aisle with packages of Twinkies and 7-Select brand beef jerky. “It’s like ‘Black Friday’ for convenience stores, except nothing is on sale, and no one is in a big hurry.”

At the First St. 7-Eleven, Assistant Overnight Manager Sanjay Thompson is also preparing for a record-breaking day in sales, despite being located a half block from the Elmhurst Police Station.

“We’ll probably sell about 700 Slurpees throughout the day,” said Thompson, referring to the slushy frozen carbonated beverage that comes in a variety of tantalizing flavors like Pineapple Lime and Sour Patch Watermelon, and is one of the most desired beverages for those who are under the influence of marijuana, along with Red Bull and Tang. “People like to mix the flavors together, so I’ll probably be over there cleaning up spills throughout my shift.”

Over at the York St. 7-Eleven, franchise owner Frank Strada has scheduled an unprecedented second counter clerk from 4:00 p.m. Thursday until 3:00 a.m. Friday, and will have to work the registers himself for part of the day.

“Everybody who works here requested the day off,” said Strada, who noted that eye drops and disposable lighters will account for most of the non-consumable purchases at his store today. “But when you’re selling about 50 Taquitos per hour, you need a second person behind the counter.”

Other businesses in town that expect to see an increase in the number of customers for 420 include pizza restaurants and the Bob James Magic and Curiosities Shop.

Sandburg Principal Reflects on Return of ‘Primitive’ Parent-Teacher Conferences in 2017-18

by Dave Noble, City News Editor

ELMHURST – Nearly a week after announcing the return of Parent-Teacher Conferences to Sandburg Middle School for the 2017-18 school year, principal Linda Fehrenbacher told reporters seated at a corner table in the school’s cafeteria Monday afternoon that a splinter cell of meddling parents who are against innovation and forward-thinking – and lack faith in the presentation skills of their own flesh and blood – created too much of a distraction for the school to continue with “Student-Led Conferences”, which debuted at Sandburg last fall.

“Apparently, moms and dads prefer ‘one-on-one’ time with teachers, which is a rather outdated form of communication,” said Fehrenbacher, commandeering the funnel cake dessert from each of the reporter’s lunch trays while explaining how some parents made it very clear that they are opposed to the inherent benefits of Student-Led Conferences, like accountability, responsibility, and ownership. “During the Student-Led Conferences, students created Power Point presentations to self-evaluate their progress and to set goals for themselves. There isn’t a teacher in the world that can give more relevant feedback than that.”

Arguing that Student-Led Conferences showed parents what kind of “learner” their child is with informative slide shows detailing school supply needs and color-coded maps illustrating the hierarchy of cafeteria and bus seating, Fehrenbacher noted that she first attempted to compromise with overzealous parents who started a petition earlier this year and began showing up at school board meetings.

“My proposal was to keep the student-led conferences and add an optional ‘drop-in time’ for parents to stand in line and have a decent chance to see one of the teacher before the session ends,” continued Fehrenbacher, paraphrasing her gracious offer emailed to Sandburg parents last month in the critically-acclaimed “Message from the Principal” newsletter. “But that wasn’t good enough for them.”

Reached by telephone for his reaction to the return of Parent-Teacher Conferences at Sandburg, Elmhurst Unit District 205 superintendent David Moyer stated that Fehrenbacher has his endorsement to reinstate Student-Led conferences whenever she feels like pushing parents into the 21st Century.

More Eggs, Less Parental Involvement Expected at Wilder Park Egg Hunt

by Dave Noble, Your Neighbors and Your Neighborhoods Staff Writer

ELMHURST – Eager to please children and parents slighted by an insufficient number of Easter Eggs filled with candy at previous egg hunts, the Elmhurst Park District has “guaranteed” that at least one in seven children participating in this year’s annual event will find an egg during the mad scramble scheduled to take place at Wilder Park on Saturday, March 26th at 10 a.m.

“(Administrative Assistant) Betty Jacobson is going over to Costco next week to buy one of those jumbo bags of candy,” said Park District Executive Director Jim Rogers, who admitted that he usually purchases a few packages of Skittles and M&Ms at 7-Eleven to fill 40-50 plastic eggs for the hunt.   “I imagine we’ll have about 100 eggs out there this year.”

Adults entering the ring and assisting children during the egg hunt has also been addressed by the Park District this year, as parents will be required to wear human leashes affixed to nearby trees.

The Egg Hunt is followed by “Doggie EGGstravaganza” at 10:30 a.m. and “Unrestrained Exotic Pets” at 11:00 a.m.