10 Biggest Mistakes Made by People Who Attend the Elmhurst St. Patrick’s Day Parade

by Dave Noble, City News Editor

ELMHURST – The Elmhurst St. Patrick’s Day Parade kicks off next Saturday at noon, and more than 20,000 people are expected to attend the event. It is the largest St. Patrick’s Day parade in DuPage Co., and there will be close to 150 entries this year.  Here are the ten biggest mistakes made by people who attend the parade.

Reserving A Spot Too Early With Lawn Chairs Or Blankets: If you reserve a spot in front of a home on Spring Rd. before garbage day on Thursday, your stuff is going to get hauled away with the other refuse. And the homeowner might play a role in that.

Taking An Uber Or Lyft To And From The Parade: The GPS app does not account for temporary street closings, drivers generally frown upon people shot-gunning beers in their vehicle, and they are never going to locate you after the parade. Just bring your own car, take a breath mint before getting behind the wheel, and drive home using side streets.

Wearing Green Clothing Unless You Are At Least 50% Irish: That’s Cultural Appropriation, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Smoking Weed At The Parade: The police are pretty cool about alcohol consumption at the parade, but if they catch one whiff of “Emerald OG”, “Lucky Charms”, or “Pot of Gold”, you’re busted.  Just take an edible like everyone else does.

Spontaneously Participating In The Parade: You’re more than 40 years old, you’re drunk, and you have a bad knee. Don’t think for a second that you can pull off an Irish stepdance alongside the girls from the Trinity Academy of Irish Dance.

Using The Hood Of A Police Car To Play Beer Pong: The hood size isn’t even close to standard table dimensions for Beer Pong.  Bring a folding table.

Walking Into A Random Spring Rd. House To Use Their Bathroom: This isn’t that big of a deal, actually. Just be sure to flush the toilet and compliment the homeowner on their furniture or something else in the house.

Telling People That The Chicago St. Patrick’s Day Parade Is Better: There is a 90% chance that you’re going to get your ass kicked for saying this, and a 99% chance that you deserve it.

Expecting Your Kids To Get Candy Toward The End Of The Parade Route: LOLOL…participants who give out candy ALWAYS run out well before the end of the parade route.

Forgetting If You Parked Five Blocks East Or Five Blocks West Of Spring Rd.: A devastating mistake if you guess wrong. Consider leaving a trail of urine between your vehicle and the parade so that you can find your back to the car by scent.

Links to previous Elmhurst Funion stories about the Elmhurst St. Patrick’s Day Parade:

“Spring Rd. Family Cancels St. Patrick’s Day Parade Viewing Party” – March 8, 2018

“City Dies Salt Creek in Honor of St. Patrick’s Day Parade” – March 4, 2017

“Report: St. Patrick’s Day Parade Ban on Hoverboards Affects More Than One-Third of Entrees” – February 23, 2016

“Memorable Moments from the Elmhurst St. Patrick’s Day Parade” – February 15, 2016